Thursday, October 30, 2008

"What's Grosser than Gross?"

Do you remember playing that game as a child? I'm no longer playing it, I'm living it.

I have children.

And they gross me out. The fact that I love them dearly doesn't change that fact, it just helps me find the humor in the various situations I find myself in. You'd think that once you get past the pooping/barfing stage of babies, things would start to look up. Not so. Here are a few scenarios that I've encountered just in the past week. (And I didn't even have to think very hard.)

  • We thought Emily may have broken her leg last weekend. When asked to remove her boot to see if she could move her foot, it took all I had not to pass out from the indescribable odor emitting from her feet. I had to wonder "did something die in her boot?" And then I remembered, nah, they always smell this bad. Poor thing. She seems oblivious to the fact that her feet are such powerful weapons.
  • I came upon Lukas and Sam "cleaning" the bathroom counter with their toothbrushes. I thought it was kind of cute, but I had to confiscate their toothbrushes (who knows what else they had cleaned). Little did I know, they also had used Emily's toothbrush and later that night she complained that the toothpaste tasted like soap. I had to laugh--it's payback time for her. About 4 years ago she had used BJ's toothbrush to clean the toilet without telling anyone, and when BJ complained that his toothbrush tasted funny, I told him to stop complaining and still made him use it for 2 days until Emily fessed up.
  • BJ has to be bribed to change his underwear. I've done his laundry before without any tighty-whities to be found. Is it really that hard to remember? On top of that, his philosophy of clothes is "If I am wearing it, it is my napkin."
  • At the infamous Volleyball banquet, I had to keep Lukas from putting a piece of gum in his mouth that he had scraped off from under our table. I must admit, he comes by that naturally, as I considered ABC gum a delicacy as a child.
  • Sam loves his blankie. For some odd reason, he likes to shove it in his mouth and sucks on it. (That alone is pretty disgusting.) Yesterday when I went to get him after he woke up from his nap, I found that he had wet the bed. Through and through. And there he was, sucking on his blankie. I'm hoping that he had a drooling problem and that's why his blanket was so wet, but I have my suspicions.
  • And this is what prompted me to write this post, the "proverbial straw"....Before naps, my boys went potty. I went in there to speed things up, just as Lukas was wiping from "#2." Before I knew it, he then wiped his nose with the same tissue. Then he looked at the tissue like it was it was defective or something. Did he forget that quickly where it had just been? I tell ya,

Kids are GROSS!!!

Are we sisters?

The resemblance is undeniable. I know Nancy's cuter....give her 11 years to catch up! :) Love ya, sis!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Don't Touch That!!!

Famous last words....

Here's the story: Last night was MHS's volleyball banquet at the highschool. As always, we took the whole family, and as always, the kids made a complete spectacle out of themselves. Since everyone else there is in high school, most of them don't have siblings our kids' age, and they really stick out. I was ready to go home before it started. Promises of cake kept me around. After dessert, each coach highlighted their girls, finishing up with the varsity coach who gave a very emotional speech and announced her resignation. It was very touching. She then told everyone they could stick around and socialize for a bit and say their goodbyes. I told Dan I was going to the car with all the kids and we'd wait for him there so I could avoid any further embarrassment. On our way out, I was holding Lukas' hand and at about the same time I heard "Mommy, what's this?" I heard sirens. Yes, Lukas pulled the fire alarm at the high school. I was mortified. I had to go back in to tell them it was a false alarm. While walking to the car, I noticed another meeting of coaches. (Which I found out later was the district meeting of football coaches.) They were headed to the door and saw the crowd of girls pouring out of the cafeteria. I told one of them over the din that it wasn't real. (Now this part is funny.) He goes, "Yeah, I know--our burnt food set it off. We're calling the police dept. right now to tell them not to come." I looked in, and lo and behold, a bunch of tough guy coaches had brought steaming crockpots which they believed set off the smoke alarms. I held my laughter til I got to the car.

Unfortunately, their call to the MPD wasn't fast enough and about 3 minutes later, 2 big ol' fire trucks pull up to the school. I made Lukas go apologize, but I don't think it was very effective because the fireman was way too nice and started handing out party favors. All in all, it was a memorable evening I hope to never relive.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

10K Oi Vey!!

On Saturday my friends and I broke free from the Boise Prison. Our crime? Staying in shape in frigid temperatures. Who knew that was a punishable offense? (even though some days I'd rather be in a jail cell sleeping than running at 5:45 am) So, around 9:00 the siren went off and the brute squad came through in full uniform (we're talking so close they TOUCHED me) and tried to intimidate us with all their manly machismo, but alas, we were undaunted (and way too fast for them to catch) and finished a 10K in record time. Well, kinda (hey, it's a record if it's your first time right?). Here we are pre-race and pre-sweat.
Here we are post-race and thrilled to be on the other side of the finish line!!! I think all those hardened criminals cheering us on did wonders for our time. (I wish I could say the same for the gravel path and unforseen hills....) Thanks girls, for pushing me and making working out not only bearable, but (75%) enjoyable!!!

The Monster Mash

This last weekend was chock full of parties, activities, good food, and FRIENDS. Ah, good times.

I hope Mike learned his lesson about how to wear a dress with a slit up the side....And Tara, well, we won't even go there. For now.
Owwweee, she makes one hot nun--if I looked that good in a habit, I may change religions.
Yo ho ho....Pirates aren't supposed to have that perfect of teeth.
Here was my hot date on Friday. If you can't tell, I'm supposed to be my alter-ego "Skye" from Rockband. (except she's blond, but I'm thinking of crimping her hair since I was so pleased with my volume that night (and that's AFTER it had deflated!))

Business in the front, party in the back, baby. Bring on the 80's! Pysche.

SKARAOKE. Be very afraid. Disco Dan was my date Saturday. He's lucky my Friday night date didn't know about it. If only you could see the ruffles on Dan's shirt....suh-weet!
Brock doesn't know what to do with himself. I don't blame him--he's dressed like a girl and he doesn't recognize his very own mother.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Magnificent Seven

Little Emmers is a big bad seven year old--and artsy enough to create her own cake and cupcakes for her party. (and lucky enough to have two parties with lots of cousins!) I think she did a pretty swell job, don't you? (and just in case, I only had to eat about 6 of them to declare them satisfactory for party guests.)
She desperately wanted a cow scarf, for whatever reason, and wears it daily with pride. Emmers is one of the few 7 year olds bold enough to make this kind of statement.

Oh, that smile of hers just makes my heart melt. I'm so thankful I have at least one girl!

The Seven Greatest Things about Em:
1. She lets me play with her hair, but doesn't care if I forget to fix it for weeks on end.
2. Her unique reasoning capabilities and complex trains of thought.
3. Her sense of style, man!
4. Her amazing empathy. (she once told me through tears "I don't know why I feel like crying when other people get hurt, but I feel like I'm hurting, too!")
5. Her journal. My favorite book.
6. She loves being a helper and is always the first on the scene when Dan asks "who wants to help Daddy?"
7. Her infectious sense of humor! She really is a hoot and I just love her so much!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

"The Neatest Place"

Don't make fun of us for choosing that name for our booth at the Craft Fair. It will all make sense by the end of the post.

What do you get when you add this: To this?

And sew like a mad woman for 3 days straight? A basket full of goodies that may be too cute to even part with at the Christmas show!

It wasn't as easy as one would think with 9 kids running rampant around the house, with half of them puking....

But, we gotterdun and here is some more of our lovely merchandise:

Grand totals: 36 animal snugglies, 18 aprons, 100 flower pens (free gift with purchase while supplies last!), 1000s of laughs
Left to go: 40 picture frames, 100 bookmarks, 50 charm bracelets
Not to be outdone, it is worth mentioning that my dear mother has also knitted about 50 baby sweaters and crocheted around hundreds of burpcloths and baby blankets. It has taken her ALL YEAR. (plus she did all my dishes while she was here--can we say Saint?!)
So....everyone get out their highlighter and mark your calendars for December 5-6 at the Idaho Fairgrounds! Mention this ad and get my special friendship discount! :) hee hee
"Hey, where did you score that adorable apron for your little girl?"
"I got it at The Neatest Place!"